An educator shares: What parents need to understand about stress in school
The mental health of kids in Singapore is in the spotlight in light of a recent school tragedy. Parents and educators alike are shaken and pained by the profound loss of innocence and life. There’s been plenty of soul-searching. As our friend and a former secondary school teacher, Ms C, who’s currently based in a higher learning institute reveals, “We grieved (as a community) but it might have been a tad harder for us as it happened to a child in school.”
As a society, how can we then do better to understand the stress faced by kids and support them through their growing up years? Ms C, who’s also the mother of an 11-year old, shares some insights.
Studies, results, classroom dynamics and pressures … do we really know what are our kids facing in school?
Stress in schools is something that our education system has been grappling with for a long time. What are some signs you've seen in your teaching years when kids are not coping well with school?
Some of the more common signs are distraction, falling grades and truancy.
What may parents miss about the stress that kids are facing in school?
Kids juggle with lots of different things in school – school work, CCAs, friendships. Before we say “Oh, we’ve been through those too”, we need to understand that our kids are growing up in a different time in which technology brings both convenience and stress (e.g. numerous Whatsapp project chat groups buzzing all day long and the ‘need’ to reply quickly to messages). The greater exposure to more ideas/ worldviews through the Internet changes the way they think. A lot of them mature faster, ask more questions and need more answers. Parents need to recognise this and not dismiss the things that they say or feel with "you're just a kid".
Social media and technology could be another source of anxiety for children in these digital times.
What are a few ways parents can be supportive of the efforts of teachers in the classroom?
Parents can support teachers by communicating with their children, understanding their emotional needs and providing them with encouragement. Teachers have an easier time reaching out to students if they enjoy healthier relationships at home as students with poor communication with their parents are often distrustful of other adults like their teachers. Hence they are less likely to open up to them even about school related problems.
Teachers have a lot on their plates. And many of us already recognise that schools need more resources and support to help students. What is a change which perhaps we can consider for a more holistic approach to mental health?
Perhaps shorter school days or school weeks, to recharge through rest and play.
Lastly, as an educator and parent to a tween child, how can we help kids to understand that school and results are not everything, and to better understand their emotions?
It starts with adults believing in it, that results are not everything because children seek adults’ approval and affirmation. Parents can choose to adopt a growth, instead of a fixed, mindset – failures can be great lessons for children. One way you can do that is not to harp on things that they didn't do so well in (e.g exams, a burnt cake, etc). See it as a learning point. That's not saying that we shouldn't try harder the next time but it's really about not beating ourselves up over failures and acknowledging that we are just human. I think its really important for parents to be open about their failures, things they didn't do so well in life with their kids to show that it's OK and even normal to fail from time to time.
When children have a healthy sense of self-worth, they will not be as prone to stress and negative emotions.
Watch out for part 2 of this series where we chat with a primary school counsellor about what parents need to know about stress in school.