Mindfulness and mums: Why is everyone talking about it?
Mindfulness seems to be a buzzword associated with parenting these days. While there are many good reasons to remind oneself to stay more attuned to your children’s needs and emotions while responding with empathy, let’s be honest - it’s easier said than done.
But what if we could get an expert and fellow mum to teach us practical tips for getting better at it? Someone like The Curious Momma, Ava Gao, who’s a certified Circle of Security Parenting Facilitator, a Mindful Motherhood Facilitator and Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) Trainer. The former HR and Change Management professional breaks down what it really means to be a mindful mum and how everyone can be more curious, connected and communicative as a parent.
We’ve been hearing a lot about being mindful mums. Is mindfulness is just a parenting fad? How can we ingrain it in our parenting culture in busy Singapore?
I think mindfulness has always been around. It’s not just another parenting fad. Mindfulness can truly transform our perspective and relationships with the people that we love. I think one way that mindfulness can be part of our culture as mothers is to pause judgement and start being curious about our children's behaviours.
For example when we are in a rush, we start wanting to control our children or forcing them to co-operate. We could go, "Oh my gosh, this stubborn boy" or "Why is she doing this right now? We’re going to be late for school!”
When we pause these judgements and take a few moments to attune and step into their world, we can start getting curious about our children's behaviours. We might realise that our children wanted to spend more time with us before school. Or they might be having issues making friends or learning in school. While we cannot "solve" the situation there and then, acknowledging their feelings and emotions and asking a few questions can help us gather some information so that we can help our children to feel that they are not alone in their struggles
We want them to feel safe, heard and secure with us.
I do see and hear more people in Singapore knowing and being more interested about mindfulness. Personally, mindfulness has fundamentally changed my mindset about motherhood and my life purpose. It brought me the peace and contentment that I desired within myself and my relationships.
The Curious Momma, Ava Goh, shares what she learnt in her training with fellow mums on her website and through coaching.
What are you hearing from fellow mums / clients you work in terms of their parenting struggles?
The top three struggles that I hear from fellow mamas and clients are:
Not able to find time for themselves and be fully present with their children and family
Do not have the patience and energy to connect with their children, and do not know how to respond to their big emotions
Feeling overwhelmed and stressed all the time due to the never ending tasks from work and at home
I have a free weekly Virtual Mama Circle for mothers who want to connect and get support in their parenting journey. Mamas can ask any questions to tap on my knowledge and training then. I also offer an eight week 1 to 1 coaching to mums.
What are some quick and easy tips we can use anytime to deal with those situations?
Mindful breaths. It’s as simple as that. During challenging moments (eg. kids screaming and having a meltdown), take 3 slow, deep breaths. I like to take these deep deliberate breaths via alternative nostril breathing as it helps me to calm down very quickly within 20 seconds.
Also, Reflection with Compassion. Recognise that we just want the best for our kids and respond from there. This may sound like an oxymoron but plan to manage your stress — pay attention to your own stressors and get to understand the triggers of your children. I also made affirmation cards to reflect on what kind of parent we want to be and what are the areas that we can do better.
The Curious Momma’s Affirmation Cards are entirely self-designed to encourage fellow mums to hang in there and be more present every day in their parenting journey.
Tell us more about why you made these cards and how they can help mums be more mindful.
I’ve always loved meaningful quotes which inspire and encourage. There was one night I was feeling down and frustrated from a day of parenting, and I had the idea of making a series of cards with meaningful quotes on mindful motherhood. I then designed these cards, printed a few copies and gave them to some friends as gifts. These friends wanted to buy some more for their own mom friends so I decided to make more of these cards to spread positivity in this motherhood journey.
Many moms have told me that they like to use them at the end of the day to reflect about their parenting moments and remind themselves that they are in the journey of learning to be a better mama. Some like to use them at the beginning of the day to start their day, something like setting an intention of what kind of mama they want to be today.
How can a more mindful mum make for more mindful kids?
A more mindful mom is able to welcome all emotions that their children experience as she knows their triggers and how to manage them. Children who grow up in such environment will be be able to have a strong ability in regulating their emotions as they model the way their mothers regulate their own. They’re more self-aware of their emotions and also feel safe communicating their feelings to others as they enjoy a trusting and secure relationship.
Ava Gao is the founder of The Curious Momma, which empowers mamas to find more peace, presence and purpose in parenting and life. Check out her pretty range of Affirmation Cards right here on Chalk and Chakras!