My daughter's yoga journey nearly one year on
Some readers would be familiar with the fact that I started Chalk and Chakras late last year when I couldn’t find a kids yoga mat for my six-year-old.
The yoga lessons for her began earlier. In fact, the whole journey started because I returned to work from maternity leave this time last year on Jan 28.
It wasn’t easy going back to work the second time around. I knew I’d have much less time. When you have two kids, a lot of your maternity leave is spent with #1, making sure he/she’s OK with the younger sibling and reassuring them that you’re still there for them. I find myself doing more with Claire as the baby was usually sleeping or happy being held by my parents-in-law or their helper.
The entire equation changed upon the return to office hours (and I’m already thankful I have regular hours). I had very little time after work for Claire until the baby slept around 8pm. Claire probably felt it too. She was misbehaving a lot — being rude and rebellious, getting agitated easily, and crying and yelling at the slightest thing that didn’t go her way. I felt frustrated and helpless all at once.
Claire took a while to adjust to having a younger sis. Thank goodness she’s a big loving sis now.
I tried being empathetic; I tried positive discipline; I tried reasoning. Essentially I tried the many methods I was reading about from books and the Internet. But she is very strong-willed in her own way and tested my patience every day. I’m not proud of the fact I was also tough on her when she went into her crazier meltdowns like screaming in tears because she didn’t want to go to bed or throwing her violin on the floor. Even her grandparents lost it at her extended tantrums.
When Google suggested articles about kids yoga, I thought, OK, maybe. Afterall I go for yoga lessons at lunch time which really help bring some calm to my day. She knows I go for yoga and was pretty keen to do the poses together. Perhaps it’s the beauty of having not much expectations as I had already tried different methods without much success. We just did different poses together for like five to ten minutes every two days or so.
At the same time, a good friend was mine was looking at yoga classes for her younger daughter who was seeing a kinesiologist. She wanted her daughter to learn how to settle down and manage her anxieties about school.
Claire joined my friend’s daughter yoga lessons in April. Lessons are held fortnightly and the teacher, Yvonne, is aware of their respective issues. To Claire, it’s simply a fun activity where she gets to hang with my friend’s daughters. They go through a series of simple exercises from animal poses to balancing ones, which get a bit more challenging each session. They also do some mindfulness exercises in between.
Like adults, there are days when the kids are super focused. There are times when they are goofing around and more distracted. I’ve heard them say, “SO EASY!” and “I just can’t, teacher!” I see they get really proud and happy when they master a pose and how vexed they become when they can’t. More importantly, I notice how Teacher Yvonne engages them, encourages them, and helps them listen better. (Yes, I was taking mental notes whenever I watch them during the beginning or end of the class!) I also realised it’s OK not to make too much progress for old poses at each session, because they might suddenly surprise you when they nail a new challenging one without thinking about it.
Mindfulness in action - where the kids are asked to think about how an apple gets to a supermarket.
That distance and perspective helped me, at least, to realise that I needed to give Claire more space to act out instead of rushing to fix it. Things gradually began to improve at home with a combination of me being less reactive and her erupting less frequently. She became more self-aware and could regulate her feelings more easily during a flight or fight mode. There were also some days where it felt like one step forward and two steps backwards where we both regressed.
Today, I’m glad to say things have gotten A LOT better.
Claire didn’t magically become the the most well-behaved child. Her grandparents’ house is still filled with her shrieks; she talks back and argues with her older teen cousins constantly; she cries when she gets herself into a state. But she definitely listens better now. She could also pinpoint what makes her upset. She told me directly during a particularly cranky violin practice that, “You’re making me like this cos you keep telling me what to do. I don’t like it! Can you just point to what’s wrong instead of telling me and I’d get it.”
Woah. That was strangely impressive to me. I learnt to step back to adjust to her needs.
And she’s able to articulate when she wants to be by herself. I used to be upset about that. I’d be like, “Hey, I’m trying to spend time with you”, but I understand now that kids want to do their own thing too.
Yoga didn’t solve all the issues, of course. But I’d say she’s found a better balance in herself in these 10 months. Yvonne told me that besides getting stronger physically, she’s noticed Claire has slowed down and thinks more before speaking in class. She’s more willing to try new things without dismissing them.
It’s a journey, not just for her as a kid, but for me as a parent.
When I ask Claire how she finds the yoga sessions, she says she likes them because it’s “very nice to go for it”.
Hey, that’s just like us adults!
To find out more about kids yoga, read our interviews with Teacher Yvonne where she answers common queries she often gets. Part 1 is here and Part 2 here.